Off Key

I hate it when people tell me to 'take care'. I really do. It seems to be people who I believe I am in some kind of meaningful relationship/friendship/interaction - what you will - who use the phrase, too. You have a long conversation with them, spend time - important time - and then, as they go they kiss (or metaphorically kiss) you and say 'Take care'!!! Really? Take care? Uh huh?!!

For me, that is one of the meaningless phrases I would use when taking leave of someone who didn't actually mean that much to me. Not in a bad way, just in a 'want to say something pleasant and middle class' way. 'Take care'. For how long? Is it going to be so very long until we speak again that I need to be taking care of myself? And do I need to be reminded? Really? Me? Who has survived so many years & trials and grown into this cynical and hoary old bat? Really? 'Take care'? Uh!

I would rather hear something which meant something when I take my leave of someone I really care about. How about 'I'll be thinking of you'? Or something ending in an endearment? Or anything, really, which doesn't sound like they are leaving the presence of Auntie Mabel and Uncle Zac. Really! Just not 'take care'!!!

It's like 'you too' or 'me too'! Oh dear god! Really? You mean it that much that you don't even need to repeat it? How fabulous!!! You can actually hear my mind boggling over the interweb waves, can't you?!! :-s

I don't need or even want (maybe especially 'want') people to say things to me because they think that's what I want to hear. I really don't. If I say 'I love you' to you that's because that is the reaction I have to your company and personality. It's not so I can blackmail or guilt you into saying 'I love you, too'. Any expression I make towards another human being is entirely stand alone and in response to my feelings right there and then. It's not 'for' something. Is that odd? I don't know. And, frankly, I don't care! I simply express what I feel. And that's an end to it!!

And another thing! If I say 'I love you' it does not necessarily mean I want to have your babies, share a kidney and raise goats on a remote Scottish Island with you, in the next three weeks. It may - but I promise to elucidate, if that is the case! It means, for me, that I appreciate who and what you are. It makes me feel good to be in your company. I probably look forward to spending time with you. I like you. I like the way you think, talk and interact. You make me feel good in that moment. We really don't have to rush off and pick The Ring just because I like being in your company. Really - no boiling household pets here!

Yes, it's lovely when someone for whom you have soft and squelchy feelings has them back at you. It's fabulous when someone you appreciate, on whatever level, appreciates you back. It does not mean, though, that anyone has to voice or pretend anything to make me feel better about the way I feel. I feel what I feel. The moment is whatever the moment is, and the colours & tunes of emotions & reactions are mine to appreciate and voice. You have your own reactions & emotions going on and that is your business. It is your choice whether to voice them or not.

Isn't that simple? Is it not an easy flow of honest communication and inter-relation? Why do people stumble on it so often? I can't make that my problem, once I have clearly stated that I am quite happy to be responsible for my own emotions and reactions to and in a situation. If I find my colours don't match your colours I'll either discuss that with you or take a quiet walk away, depending on how far down any road we are. Easy. No?!

So - sweethearts - next time I tell you I love you? Don't feel you have to reciprocate. Unless you want to. And if you want to say it before I do, that would be lovely. Although it is not necessarily the case that you will hear it back. And when we part, having spent time talking or being or whatever. Please don't tell me to 'take care'. Please don't! Say what is on your mind. Tell me something true. Stick a pretty word in there if you want to. But please don't leave me with the false note of a social platitude!!

Now. Y'all. Take care!! :-p